Throughout a players career there are many highs and lows. The never ending challenges keep coming wave after wave. Many of us who have played the game of Hurling, or indeed any sport, over the course of a number of decades since a young age have grown up facing many obstacles. Whether it’s trying to find your socks on a match day morning or making sure you’ve got the times right for setting off for the training on time.
Separation
Aside from the playing days, life can take over for players and ex players. All players come to the realisation that work, careers and family can be more important and stepping away from the competitive side of the game is simply inevitable. Some ex players continue to be involved with club activities while others drift away. There are many factors which might cause someone to step away such as work or moving away from their home parish to live elsewhere. But one that has come to light over recent years that can arguably be the most destructive and dangerous to a person is a mental blockage where an ex player feels excluded from the safety net of what was their former playing family. As we grow up within GAA clubs we tend to have a number of parental figures in the form of coaches and managers who, although might only see us for a total of 3 or 4 hours a week, become part of our lives and form an impression on our personal lives. As a player steps away from their club they lose the regular contact not only with that authoritative figure but also with a large group of peers.
Many people have different ways of handling the move from player to ex player. Some handle it by continuing to be involved in their club and help with coaching, training, managing or similar roles. Some step away and find it more difficult to dedicate time away from work and family.
Time & Pressure
We often hear the phrase ‘it’s ok to not be ok’. It’s done a lot to raise awareness of mental health issues of all kinds and there’s been a increase in people seeking help with stress and depression issues. Another phrase we often hear is ‘it’s good to talk’ which first gained notoriety in a BT advert in the 90s and subtly highlighted a simple fix to an underlying taboo subject, namely loneliness.
Ex players can get easily caught outside of a social loop which they felt part of for many years. Feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety can easily grow and build up. Add this to the pressure of work (or lack of work), health problems, financial issues, and family struggles, the mind can become a pressure cooker. In a discussion with a motivational speaker many years ago, we spoke about the mental strength of individuals and how certain types of people appear to fend off challenges and even failures without even flinching and take them in their stride. Whilst this may seem true he also paused for a second before stating “time and pressure will break everything”.
The Social Media Mask
In a recent discussion an old team mate said to me, “have you heard anything from ***** lately?”. And I found myself hit with the sudden realisation the last time I had saw or spoke to this person was the last training session with them around 10 years previously. Strangely I found myself with a sense of guilt, like I had a duty of care to check up on this person. It got me thinking that there must be hundreds of people out there caught ‘outside the loop’. On checking some social media profiles I found this person and saw they seemed to be having a ‘normal’ life. Wife, kids, job, car, mortgage, the usual thing you find from a middle aged straight laced hard working person. But something lingered in the back of my mind. I’ve posted the same types of pictures online, happy smiling pictures, playing games, posing with friends and family, having days out etc. What we don’t post pictures of is the sleepless nights, the tension headaches and migraines, the crushing stress, the health problems, the ulcers, the vomiting, the seizures, the bad diet, and the list goes on. The social media mask is a dangerous tool for covering up our problems. Whilst it looks like someone may be personable, social, friendly, and outgoing we have to realise that it’s all too easy to sit and post jokes, memes and funny videos online. The real story may be hiding behind the mask.
The Trigger
The ‘trigger’ is a process I’ve decided to simply give a name to. A process would be the best way to describe it. Quite often we see services such as the Samaritans reaching out to people and asking them simply to call them and have a chat. In the grand scheme of things, this is a great idea and good advice. However, in the real world, it’s not always that simple. If a person feels they have became a burden on themselves, their family, and society as a whole, they will feel that even taking up someone’s time on the phone or in person is causing a further burden. It’s an unfortunate scenario and ultimately can be a fatal catch 22 situation. In an incident a couple of years ago a young man (aged 32) made an attempt to take his own life. Luckily due to the quick actions of his family they managed to bandage his arms fast enough to save him and got him to a hospital where he recovered and I’m pleased to say he appears to be doing well. He got caught in the trap of assuming he was a burden to society. He’d been bottling up a lot of issues and couldn’t get out of the cycle, but no-one had known because no-one had assumed there was any reason to worry or ask.
And now we get to what I like to call ‘the trigger’. The trigger can be a number of things but ultimately it is the action taken to break a cycle which ultimately can change and hopefully make a positive change in a person’s mental state. If you have a friend who appears to be having a tough time, the trigger might be as simple as making a phone call, sending them a text, or a message on social media. It might be inviting someone for a game of golf, to go to a yoga session, to go open water swimming or …. to come along to a Half Pace Hurling session at your local club. As ex players, colleagues, acquaintances, friends, or however you like to categorise your relationship, a little invite or message could make the difference. Pull the trigger and invite and old team mate along. It could turn out to be the perfect save.
